Thoughts...

So I've really been struggling lately. The medicine that the endocrinologist prescribed is not working very well. I have not been as on too of my nutrition as I could have been. I feel like I get so many opinions from so many directions. It's nuts!!!

I recently saw Chris Powell on dr oz sharing about carb cycling. It made sense. There was science behind it. Then I was at the chiropractors office this week for help with my fibromyalgia which made a big appearance last week. She talked to me about my weight and said I need zero carbs. I said "what about energy to work out?" She told me that its a myth that we need carbs. They we can get energy from veggies. Ok so I'm pretty sure she's good at adjusting my back and hips and I had great results between that and the hour massage I got in the office as well. But that carb advice I believe was a bunch of bull.

So My husband and I are at my parents for Thanksgiving. I got to be around lots of thin family and wish that I could be thin too. I was in my room and noticed a stack of pictures I had taken off the wall in the summer for mom to repaint that room. I pulled out school dance pictures. I've always known that I gained weight my senior year but I never really looked at how much my body changed. When I was a junior and younger I thought I was fat. Now I look at those pics as some of the few pictures I can now see myself as thin in. During my senior year I was diagnosed with myofascial pain syndrome and began the Fibro journey. I also became drum major for the band so I quit marching and quit playing soccer. All at once. At soccer we used to run 2-4 miles a day at practice. When I had games with band I'd run 4 miles then report to the game. It was just life. I also played tennis which included a great deal if agility work. I still did tennis my senior year but hadn't conditioned all fall and winter like normal. I've included a picture of three formal dance pictures. Sophomore and junior years (very similar) then senior year.

After my senior year mom and I did the south beach diet and I lost like 25 pounds before heading off to college. I guess that's when my struggle really began. I also include a picture from August 2003 at my freshman year college band camp. (Where i met my husband) I'm in the center of the pic with shorts on. It's amazing how quickly I lost the weight after that may.

These are just my thoughts here. No profound ideas or challenges. Just my thoughts. I'm tired of being fat. I want to be thin. In trapped in my own body. I need a plan. One I can stick to. One that depends on me and no one else.

The last picture I added is from yesterday. I'm happy as can be but I'm stuck in this fat suit!!!

Pictures may not be in order. I'm on my blogger app.