Willpower

I was just so excited about this that I wanted to share. Tonight I went out to take back a blu ray and my husband called and wanted something sweet. He requested a peanut buster parfait from DQ. I was on the phone with my cousin. She said "don't do it!". I promised I wouldn't and with her on the phone supporting me I ordered his ice cream and ordered none for myself. I didn't even take a bite of his. Woohoo. My will power is coming back. It takes time to break the sweets habit. The more you eat sweets the more you want sweets. 

I just wanted to celebrate by posting!!!

The Race is On!!!!!

My apologies to my great readers/followers for the lack of posts. Things are very busy with marching season and a dog that has kept us on our toes for a week waiting for her to have her puppies. Thanks for always checking in. As my routine settles in I will post more often. 

Anyhow, I went out for my first run tonight since the 5K! I know I know I know, the 5K was 6 weeks ago. I said "I'm taking one week off"..... Now I wish I hadn't taken time off at all!!! It was weird, I hit a goal and absolutely crushed it and then it was like I waited too long to set a new goal, so I became unmotivated to run.

 Did I want to run? ABSOLUTELY! But did I actually lace up my shoes and get my runs in on busy days? No. It was a new excuse everyday.  So today I was sick and tired of myself not being proactive, I was about to change to head out for a run then I hopped on Facebook and had a message from someone that I know that knows I ran my first race asking if I was running on labor day. I had to reply that I hadn't run since she saw me at my first race and I was currently headed out for that first run tonight. I had to say "I don't think I'm ready" Bummer. I let myself down. * thanks Andrea for the extra boost*

The good news? I ran my mile tonight and it felt great! I could have gone further but I only planned a mile. So I'm thinking 1.5 or 2 miles on Tuesday. So, I did better than I anticipated. 

I have found out that there is a 5K option at an upcoming big 10K run. It is on October 15th. So I'm thinking early birthday to myself... Improve my 5K time. It's 7 weeks away. I'm thinking less than 40' would be a good goal. So here goes. The only think that could change that plan is if our band competition that day is a.m. and a distance away. 

I'm also looking into doing a Thanksgiving Day run. I'm not sure I could do any better job of justifying my Thanksgiving meal! I'll be at Mom and Dad's most likely on that morning so I've got to locate a race near them. 

So, if all goes well I will run two more 5 K races this year. 

Also, I set a goal with my trainer on Tuesday August 16th to lose 3 pounds by my session on August 23rd. I ended up having to cancel my training session due to some crazy scheduling this week on my end, so we set a new goal to keep me motivated for this week. A 4 pound loss. Can I do it? I bet I can! Let's see!!!!

Back to School routine in place

It's been a while since I posted. I had to cancel my appointment to train the first week of school and the first week of school also through my eating for a loop. However, I went to train on Tuesday, it went well and I'm motivated all over again. I lost 0.4 pounds this time (merely fluctuation) but I have to say that I was almost expecting to gain from lack of exercise. 

My workout was good on Tuesday and we set some goals. 
- keep my food journal (no slacking)
- cardio three days this week
- lose 3 pounds by next Tuesday. 

If I keep the first two goals. Number three should happen. 

I always go to buffalo wild wings once a week with my husband and friends for trivia night. So I asked my trainer if I could have wings once a week. He made a deal with me. I can have the wings on Wednesday (our regular day) IF I eat completely clean on Sat and Sun. Toug but I made the deal. I'm going to do it!

Yesterday Chad sent me a random text reminding me to journal my food. That kind of stuff really keeps me on my toes! 

I'm still pretty sore from Tuesdays workout but I'm going to head out for a run tonight to get in my cardio. I haven't run since the race ( huge mistake ). I look forward to seeing what I can accomplish tonight. 

Sometimes I Get Mad...

Some times I get mad.... While I was working out last Friday morning I looked at my trainer while I was in my abdominal circuit and I was tired and hurting and I said "I get so mad that I've been fat from the get go"

Thinking through some of the things I told him, and later my Mom, it amazes me how vivid some of my childhood memories are that involve my weight. Let me give a few candid examples:

I played softball for a long time and I remember when we changed from our cute T-ball uniforms to our softball uniforms was about the same time that my body began going through changes and I started to fill out. I remember taking note of the fact that everyone on the team other than me (or so it seemed) was thin enough that the wide elastic waist band of our softball pants stretched straight across from hip bone to hip bone, but mine filled out between hip bones. 

Dance class when I was maybe 4-7, I remember that I was one of the biggest kids in class (height wise too), not that I was just really big but everyone else was still in the tiny tiny stage. I seemed to fill out my tights better than anyone else. 

2nd grade lunch time. I remember the exact table that my good friend and I were sitting at when we discussed our weight. We talked about how our thighs weren't as skinny as our other friends' thighs. Seriously! I was 8 years old.

Let me just stop here to make it clear that my parents were very loving and never mentioned weight to me until middle school/ high school when it actually became an issue that they needed to help with. Even then, they were wonderful in their approach. 

So those three stories were from early elementary school. There are many other stories, but those stick out. So I was talking with mom about this over the weekend and she said something that made me think. "You weren't overweight as a child, you were healthy", did I have an inaccurate view of myself that young?! I've seen pictures of myself at 5 or 6. I was thin at that time. Not "skinny", just thin. "Healthy" as my mom said. But I dint remember not worrying about my weight.   Best I can remember it was 2nd - 3rd grade when I began to fill out a little too much. (just before puberty)  I remember making weight loss goals all through middle school and high school. I was always an athlete so how did I miss the skinny train!??

I was in my best shape ever in high school when I played soccer. (Sophomore and Junior years) I ran all the stinkin time and usually had marching band practice on those same soccer practice days. Sometimes soccer was at 6:00am in summer. That year my cousin and I hit the gym every single morning at 5:00am and worked out until we showered and got ready to drive to school. So that "in the best shape" time in my life came at a cost.... Hard work and lots of it. 

I had to quit soccer my senior year (lots of physical activity) because I was Drum Major for the band (therefore my band physical activity all shifted to the upper body, no longer full body). I gained about 20-30 pounds my senior year. Also the year that I was diagnosed with Myofascial Pain Syndrome and the beginning of fibromyalgia. 

During the summer I had my first ever weight loss success. Mom and I did the South Beach diet. The Atkins craze was still going on but for those that new better than to eat all
Protein and no carbs here came south beach! We were hard core (dad kept
Us that way, lol) I moved to Murray State that fall at a much healthier weight. I met Brandon at that much healthier weight!

Over my 5 years in college and now 3 years of teaching (oh my goodness I'm getting old!) I have yo-yoed 5-10 pounds at a time. Any time I've had success it's come with hours in the gym, vigorous nutrition goals, and eventually burn out. I'm not burning out this time and that is a great success. However, I still get frustrated!

Why do I have to work so stinkin hard? One thing that I truly believe with all my heart and I've said on many occasions is that I know that my body being difficult is a blessing. My outer body is what isn't up to my standards and because I've worked so hard my blood pressure, cholesterol, sugar, resting heart rate, etc are all fabulous! So I thank God that he has provided me with a body that communicates what it needs from me. I'm glad that I'm not eating everything under the sun, staying skinny, and damaging my heart day in and day out. I get that! But now that I'm aware and I do work so hard I was success. I want benefits from my work. Why have I had to struggle for my entire life to try to get my body thin and healthy!?

I'm working to answer these lifelong questions. 

Next Post : I wondered through the Christian Inspiration section at Barnes & Noble yesterday while Brandon had already settled in with a book and I was chatting with mom on the phone. I ran across a book that caught my eye, "10 Lessons from a Former Fat Girl", by Amy Parham (a Biggest Loser contestant). I sat down and was amazed by chapter one. I'll tell about this in the next post. 

Band Camp is over- I'm back!

Ok, so many of you may have thought that I haven't been on track or whatever for the last few weeks because I haven't blogged. The truth is that it's been band camp for 3 and a half weeks and we've been meeting ourselves coming and going. I've been playing three roles for the last three weeks : choir teacher, assistant band director, and band director's wife. All three of these roles are busy! I've managed to hold on to my routine for the most part through these three weeks. I worked out on Friday mornings with my trainer at 6:00am because that was the only way to fit it in. That was not easy but I did it. Each morning at band camp I was in charge of stretches and exercise. that was a lot of fun. I was able to watch kids improve over time and try hard when it was tough. I was excited when we hit the floor for pushups during day one exercise and 5 push ups was easy for me. It was a reminder of my accomplishments. Leading stretches and exercise at 8:00am was tough on the mornings that I trained at 6:00am. But I did it. 
Now, on to nutrition during band camp. The first two weeks were much better than the last. The first two weeks I kept up with my oatmeal challenge, make decent choices at lunch and manage to cook dinners. Then the third week exhaustion took over and it was poptarts at breakfast and sweets to keep me moving in the evenings and restaurant food for dinner. Booo. I promised my trainer I would keep my food journal the last week but I'll have to disappoint him :(  

Below is a quote I read in a book tonight and it was quite an encouraging idea:

Any Change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts. 
- Arnold Bennett

It reminded me that I will have drawbacks. I will fail and have to regroup. The most important part is regrouping. Did I fail completely? No! Not at all!!! I just let myself down in nutrition over the last week. I found it so easy to eat the wrong foods when I was tired and busy (and hot and sweat!)

So this week starts the new school year. I was thinking about how excited I am to get into a new routine! I get to prepare lunches ahead of time, plan a days worth of snacks ahead of time, have a regular workout schedule, and I even get to pick a new grocery day! Being the lover of to do lists and schedules like I am I always get excited for routines. In this case I think a routine will help a great deal. Even when it comes to getting enough sleep! One think that I got so excited about was Tues/Thurs afternoon Yoga! I can't wait to go back. 

A weight update. Since I posted last I gained a pound or two. It happened in the typical one step forward two steps back method that I'm so good at. Anyhow, my last weigh in Friday July 29th was 185.6 I'll update my weigh ins section too!

Tomorrow's post: sometimes I get mad because I've always been fat. I discussed this with my trainer on one of these early Friday mornings and as I look back I'm amazed at the moments in my life that are etched so vividly into my memories.