There is no TRY!

Today has been my first day on my beta blocker.... The only thing I notice is that I'm tired.  That is an expected side effect.  My pulse is down in the low 90s today... was a solid 100 this morning.  I'm looking forward to having the medicine balanced in my system.  I think the drowsiness will go away as my body gets used to it.

I just wish I weren't over weight.  I want to unzip this silly fat suit and walk out of it and be who I am.  I am a bubbly person just like my cardiologist said yesterday.  If you met me but didn't know me you might think I'm hyped up on coffee but in reality I don't drink caffeine at all.  Crazy I know.  But that is who I am and it'd be so much more fun to be that way if my body didn't lag behind.

Just a few thoughts for the day.  I went back and found this quote from my post 13.1 blog post in May...

I was standing in Sherwin Williams purchasing paint for my classroom when the owner of the local running store came in.  Last time she saw me I was training for 13.1  I got to tell her today that I completed it.  It felt so good to go back to that moment.  I think I want to do a race again.  I'm thinking that the 10K here in town in October might be just right.  Would love to do another 13.1.... I want to get my heart all better before I do that again though.  I'm getting impatient.  I want to get back out there.

I will lose my fat suit one day.  Not sure if it will be from 10 years of persistence and a half a pound a month or if it will be because they find an imbalance in my endocrine system.  Not sure, but what I do know is that I WILL lose the fat one day.

I've been working in my jewelry business on not saying I'll try, but rather deciding what I'm going to do.  I'm applying it here too....

To quote yoda... "NO!, tryeth not!, you either do or do not... you do not try!"

So there ya have it.  I'm sad that its not happening faster, I've had obstacles but I'm not giving up!

Not going to lie though... I wonder if they find an imbalance if I will get back pay for all of my hours on end of hard work and have weight melt off.  hmmm...? We'll See!

Cardiologist Appointment went well!

So When I arrived at the cardiologist's office I was not cool with being there really.  I'm 27... I don't like to be in waiting rooms with lots of  "old people" it makes me feel like I have a weird health issue that I shouldn't have.  It's just my own silliness.  My doctor's office staff was great, they didn't make me feel bad for being there.  They were very nice.  I did pulse rate (of course it was like 97), blood pressure was good, did an EKG (nothing quite like being exposed within 5 minutes of arriving).  The physicians assistant was fantastic.  I loved her!  She reminded me of my Aunt Janie in her mannerisms.  When the doctor came in he, too, was very nice.  I was complimented on how healthy I am and how bubbly I was.  They say they don't get bubbly patients very often.  I guess not huh?

So here is what they determined.....

My heart rate is too high (odd for a person in good shape) my resting heart rate is in the 90s usually. 

I do have tachycardia which causes something called "skipped beats" which really aren't skipped at all. Its kind of an extra beat but not really that either.  Its actually a palpitation. Think of it this way...
     *your heart beats once per second (just an example)
     *this "skipped beat happens after only .5 seconds and has very little blood to push
     *so the next beat then happens after 1.5 seconds and pushes extra blood out like a canon, that is
       why I feel that beat in my throat.


On my 2D echo the cardiologist also noticed a slight "wimpy-ness" as he called it.  It is a very slight weakening of the heart due to a consistent rapid pulse.  This is how he knows that I'm not imagining my symptoms.  It is not damage to my heart to worry or be concerned about but an indicator that the rapid rate has been for an extended amount of time.  He said this is not a big deal, nothing to worry about, he said it was so slight he almost noted it normal.  He said on a scale of 1-10 it was a 1, I asked him if we could call it a .5 and he said yes.  So we are calling it a .5 :)

He actually got to hear a palpitation while I was there... It was one that I did not feel, which kinda freaked me out because it made me feel like I must have more than I realize :/

So what now?....

I will begin taking a "beta blocker" to slow my heart rate down.  He said "I don't want to slow it down to much and crimp your style".  Everyone that knows me knows that I'm hyper, but my doctor thinks that is good and wants to keep me that way.  If you met me only once you might think I'm a coffee addict which is not true, in fact I do not consume caffeine.  Imagine if I did. OMG!

Once my heart rate is slower it will decrease the palpitations and will also allow my heart to strengthen back up.  Yay. Maybe I can go from .5 to .0!

I think its funny that I do so much to strengthen my heart but its actually weak from resting at to high of a rate.  Its all kinda funny.  I asked the doctor why a rapid rate doesn't just burn more calories and make the weight fall off....

So on to that point... the weight....

He is concerned that I haven't had any weight loss success at my activity level and nutrition habits.  So he has ordered tests that have to do with the endocrin system.  My cortisol levels which indicate adrenal gland function and other things along with a few other hormones that include T's and H's and have to do with my thyroid, and my electrolytes.  He things between him, my regular doctor and an endocrinologist that we can  find something that may not be in balance that can help.  He understands my desire to be at a healthy weight before having children and wants to help me get there.

So basically this is the beginning of what may prove to be quite a journey. 

I'm a bit nervous to take the beta blockers but I know they will make me feel better.  I go for blood work in the morning and then we go from there.  I'm not restricted at all, in fact he wants to make sure my dosage of beta blockers does not affect my energy and keep me from exercising. 

So, please keep me in your prayers and I'm going to keep trying and keep blogging and one day I'll findtheskinny!  Right now I feel like a healthy person in a fat suit, one day I'll feel like a healthy person in the right body!

Thanks for reading. 

Doctors Opinion

I haven't posted since my physical two weeks ago. I got some thoughts from him that are both good and bad depending on how I look at it. Some days I like what I heard some days I don't. I also traveled for two weeks and just don't have much time to blog. So here is what happened at the physical.

Background: at last years physical my doctor and I discussed how in 6 months (that I had been actively and consistently working on my weight through healthy eating and exercise)
That I wasn't please with my lack of weight loss. He checked my thyroid and was pleased. He suggested at the time that I increase my intensity. At the time I had a hard time sweating during workouts so maybe intensity was the answer? I worked on that with my trainer set new goals etc.

I also changed trainers and set my half marathon goal. I accomplished thT goal an many others. Through drinking citrus water I was able to activate my sweat glands and began sweating a lot. I knew my intensity was not lacking. I've posted before about being strong. I am strong. I feel like I'm very healthy. Just fat.

I spoke with my doctor t this physical. I now had worked consistently for 18 months and hadn't lost a pound. I would lose a few pounds here and here but I fluctuate badly up an down 4-5 pounds at a time. Not true weight loss. I told my doctor that I an do yoga, ripped class, run 13.1, mountain bike, and do 50 pushups (the right and real way) in one training session but I still feel like I'm wearing a fat suit.

I can only imagine how much easier pushups would be or how much faster I could run without this extra 50 lbs. I also know (and my doctor agreed) I shouldn't have to go forever without a treat or something sweet. I should be able to lose weight doing what I do even with a sweet treat once in a while. Everyone seems to think I just don't work hard enough. "I shouldn't have had that ice cream on vacation" or whatever. But the fact is its a healthy lifestyle not a restricted diet. I'm rambling now.

Anyhow. I had the heart issues after the race. My heart monitor showed extra intermittent beats (whatever that is)

He ordered a heart echo. I did that last week.

My doctor wants to see what the cardiologists thinks and possibly an endocrinologist to see of we can get to the bottom of my inability to shed the weight. So he told me "you're doing everything right. You Gould be losing. Keep doing what you're doing and let's see what we can figure out."

Good part- in doing good and working hard verified by my doc.

Bad part- its not getting me anywhere.

So here I sit at the cardiologist office wondering. I'll blog tonight!

Motivation

The reason I blog is to motivate others but also myself. If the world is my accountability partner and I never know who reads then I have to bring my A game all the time. No exceptions.

So a few things. Below you see my latest before and after picture. Left side is my first ever trainer Jan of 2010. Right side is my 2nd trainer with me. He stopped by a cook out at my house to say hi. So that picture was June 2012. I have only lost like 4 lbs in that time (was about 10, but I put on weight training for the half). But I've lost 7+ inches in my waist etc. I think my posture is better. I think that I just look healthier. I hope you can see the difference too. I hope it's not just wishful thinking on my part.

2nd thing... I was at a friends wedding tonight. I did a reading and it was a Catholic wedding (my first to attend, I'm Baptist). I was nervous but it went well I was confident walking up in front of people. I actually enjoy public speaking an it gets easier to do those things as I get in better shape.

At the reception I saw a girl that I worked with at the mall in high school (I hope I have that right Anna... Sometimes I get blurry on where I know people from). Anyhow. We are Facebook friends and I saw her and we spoke and she told me that she has been watching me on facebook and is motivated by what I do. She wants to lift weights more and ha already run her first 5K. She's so pretty and bubbly and seems to just want to be healthy and fit. She's a thin girl. I'm so glad to have spoken with her and refreshed me on why I do what I do. I love having those chats with people. I hope I motivate someone each time I blog and just know that having readers motivates me. Thanks!!!

Also a picture below with my hubby tonight after the wedding reception.

Traveling!!!

So we have been here to visit my parents and family along with my brother, sister in law and nephew who also came to town.

I haven't really been logging my food. Well I haven't logged at all. Here's what I've been doing...

Watching portion sizes

Not snacking between meals

Having a few treats (key lime pie in a small portion size) so that I don't go over board.

Relaxing and enjoying my time here.

I brought my weights and pull up bar and I'm ashamed to say that if I use them in the morning it will be my first time and it's our last day here :/
Haven't been quite disciplined on exercise here.

So what I'm curious about is what my weigh in will be like on Monday...

It's been nice to relax and be away. I'm headed to Texas next week and I'm determined to do better there than I did here. I'll be up and going much more there. So maybe it will be easier to stay in routine. My hotel has an awesome gym there. I plan to utilize it!

Quick update on Miss Gracie (her story is on the right side of my page)
She went to the vet on Monday and has officially lost 3 lbs. she is 19 lbs now. Her goal weight! Yay Gracie! 3 pounds was 15% of her starting weight just to put that in perspective that is like me losing 28.5 lbs! Big deal for her! She's maintained for several months! Now if I can keep her weight down through winter we will be good.
This might seem silly but I take my pets weight/health very seriously. I feel that it's my responsibility because she can't take care of that on her own.

Very random post here but I wanted to add some thoughts from this trip.

I wonder if the relaxation has helped? Maybe destressing has helped?

I hve mentioned many times that I lose inches but not so much pounds and that I can tell a lot of difference in my body. Check out the pictures I adds to the right of my trainers. Picture on too is with Linda my current trainer taken back in Feb. then a more current picture with my 2nd trainer Chad taken in June. (he stopped by to say hi). I can see a difference between the pictures. Then you can look all the way back to winter of 2010-2011 with my first trainer Greg. I think it's been consistent progress. Not rapid but consistent. Maybe one day the pounds will leave too. I have a physical on Monday and plan to discuss my struggle with my doctor.

Here are some pics from the trip!

Oooing and Awwing at the fireworks with my nephew

My awesome nephew! 17 months old 

My hubby and I!!!

My family (mom, dad, brother, sis in law, nephew, hubby and myself)

My 19 pound healthy Jack Russell... Gracie!!

Products and why I love Twitter

So since I began blogging I've been approached by friends about four different products for weight loss / health etc. I will not name any of these products out of respect for those who use them and I wont mention who has suggested products to me. I will say that every single person who has approached me has been someone in my life who I respect and trust.

That's where the problem comes in. When I see a commercial or general statement by someone on Facebook etc it's easy to hear it, listen, and go on about your day... However when it's someone you respect and trust you start to put thought into it. A lot of these people or I'll say all of the people I'm referring to in my life have had good success with their product. So if I take a product will I have some success? Most likely! But I set out to do this naturally. That's what easily came out of my mouth when I was first talked to about a product 18 months ago. The longer I struggle the more I think over them. The fact for me is that neither my trainer or my doctor have approved any of these products for me. Does that mean they are bad? No! Just not for me. I have a physical in a week where I will ask about the last two products I've been approached about. Not because I want to use them but because I do like to have a conversation with him about them. If my doctor ever thinks that one is good for me it will then become a discussion. For now that has yet to be the case.

I've been at this steady for 18 months and I've lost as much as 12 lbs and right now I sit at 3 lbs... Why?! Well last time I visited my doctor last summer he suggested I increase my intensity. I did that for sure. My body has learned how to sweat like I don't think it knew how! So when I see him I'll ask about what to try next for better results. Since I have hypothyroidism there could be some things out of whack. I don't know. I can say that I'm gaining muscle on a regular basis and I see new tone and definition each week. So I must be losing fat to be maintaining/slowly losing at the same time. Maybe the pounds will show up soon, or should I say not show up soon.

What I do know is that one day I will meet my goal. I'm headed that direction and when I get there and I didn't use a product I'll be so proud!!! Sometimes my motivation to lose weight, which comes from many different goals, can tear me down in itself and make me want to give in. I'll give a very candid example. I want to be at a healthy weight before getting pregnant. Guess what? Our timeline is getting closer everyday but my goal weight doesn't. Now that can make a women desperate! I don't want to let me, my husband, or my future kids down when it comes to being a healthy mom with a healthy pregnancy. I'll tell you how this goal originated. I thought this...
"I've never been at my ideal weight...
... When I'm pregnant I will have weight to lose afterward....
If I start from above my ideal weight then after pregnancy I'm headed to a weight I've never been at before"

Now THATs setting me up for frustration because if your body has been there before it has a bit of a memory to get you back. If not your body just says "what the heck!"

Another reason for the goal is that I don't want complications or anymore difficulty than necessary during that time. So the more in shape you are the better.

Last and least reason for the goal. When I post my obligatory Facebook preggo pics I'd like to be cute and not all puffy. I'd like to glow and look
Healthy. I think that would be hard if I start out overweight or in my case obese.

I can't wait until our timeline gets here for our kids (I don't discuss it specifically... Only me and hubby know and it will stay that way until time) but I want my health goals to be achieved when the time arrives.

If feels so good to get that out. That's been weighing on me very heavy for a little while. Sorry for the tangent. I would love comments on that topic from your experiences or things you know about all that.

Last think.
Why do I love twitter? When you are told your favorite Biggest Loser contestants use a certain product you can just ask them. That's what I did tonight. Guess what? In my situation tonight... They don't use it. That made me feel better. If they had used it I would have felt doomed.

So I'm 240 views from 10,000.... Help me get there this week! Check back for more posts, retweet and share my blog with friends.

Thanks for reading!